Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
