I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
