The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
