Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
