WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
