okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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