Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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