I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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