I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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