is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
