I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
