I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
