I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
