God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
