Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
