took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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