i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
do nipples grow back?
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