plz talk dirty to me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
