i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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