I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
