She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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