I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
