you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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