I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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