u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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