Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
