After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
