Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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