Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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