Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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