someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
