Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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