i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can I color on your dick again?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize