you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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