I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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