I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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