How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
