Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
