I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
