Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
