i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
