Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You're like the curious george of whores
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
