i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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