I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
