I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
