Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
