she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
how does that bad decision feel?
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