Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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