the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
