I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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