Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize