Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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