his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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