I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
