I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
