i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
