all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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