he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
