thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
