I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
