Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
