I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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