I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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