I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
