she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
BRING THE BAGELS
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
