Tell her she can't have a vagina
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
