i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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