so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
