My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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