Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
